A Hacks Day Off

I work long days and look forward to them ending every second of everyday. Thursdays (which are my Fridays) are the worse day of all. Every hour feels like 2 and I find myself instant messaging my wife every hour whining about how this day will never end while she’s nose deep in school with the kids (I’m sure she loves me butting in with my whining). Friday comes and she loves me enough to let me sleep in and lounge around the house until she’s done with school. Somedays I get up and tinker around the house trying to check off the mile long list of things I want to do to the house but mostly I enjoy doing nothing.

The last month or so I’ve been talking about making pies for dessert on my days off and have never gotten to it. My grandma handed down a family recipe to THE BEST pumpkin pie ever and my wife and kids fell in love with it. The recipe yields two pies and those last about one day unless we can control our oldest.  Over time, my wife has found that I always have extra dough left over when I’m done and has asked me to make her some cinnamon crisps with the left overs. That was easy until the youngest notices the same thing and asked that I make a cinnamon roll with the left overs. So to keep the peace, and ensure the youngest doesn’t get his hand chopped off for eating moms snacks, I make all three at the same time.  I have been asked when I plan to make these over and over for the last few weeks and have said, “this week I’m sure I will” one too many times I guess.

On Thursday night we went to the boys baseball practice like normal. Little did I know that while I was at work that day the wife and three kids got together and planned an attack. I was sitting there watching the oldest run drills when the first shot came over my bow.

Youngest: So are we going to the YMCA tomorrow after school mom?

The Wife: Yeah, that’s what we talked about.

Youngest: So we did enough in school today that we don’t have much for tomorrow?

The Wife: Yes you guys did good. We only have a few things to do and we’ll take off as soon as dad is done.

WAIT! What did I just hear? Did she say “once I’m done” ? Done with what? Tomorrow is my Friday, you know my day of rest and The Daily Show watching. I act like I don’t hear that hoping it will just go away but that first shot was just a warning shot. The full attack was on its way. The practice is over and we are driving home. She now has all her back-up in the car and I have nowhere to hide and my four-legged back up is at home (we have 5 dogs 4 of which live to serve me).


Oldest: So are we still on for tomorrow?

The Wife: Yeah let me just fill Dad in on the plan


The Wife: So tomorrow I told the kids we are going to the Y after school but before we do that I need you to do something.

ME: ooook what

The Wife: Well, we have had the stuff for pies now for over 3 month and still no pies


The Wife: So I’m waking you up at 7:30 with us and you are making pies while we are in school.

ME: aaaahhhhhh (thinking of a way out)

The Wife: No, you’re going to make them or else

The car starts to rumble as the wife and kids all surround me. In a desperate attempt to save myself I yell COP! They laugh at me as the wife fires the last and final shot. She says that I will only have peas and lima beans for dinner until their demands are met.

PEAS and LIMA BEAN! the worst two things on this earth. I’ll eat anything but those. So bright and early On Friday I got up to make the house their desserts and saved me from the death they call PEAS and LIMA BEANS.


11 Responses to “A Hacks Day Off”

  1. ryoko861 Says:

    No, Lima Beans and BRUSSEL SPROUTS! *BARF*

    And you cook? Damn, Thy is SO freakin’ lucky!!! What CAN’T you do??

    Love the pics!! They went well with the conversation in the car!!

    • Brussel sprouts are good if cooked right but can be nasty if not.
      I was raised in the kitchen with my mom. Ive been baking and cooking for as long as I can remember. Thy and I often fight over who cooking dinner. We cook differently and she hasn’t learned I’m always right in the kitchen. 😉

  2. Feel free to send cinnamon rolls my way. But only after Thy gets her strips.

    • There is just one problem with that. You see it’s like asking you to send me a pop-tart (fresh off the factory belt) that you are holding in your hand. I don’t think it would make it out the door or even off the baking sheet. Especially if the youngest finds out. The roll never lasts more than a day, but I’ll think about it next time I’m eating a roll 8)

  3. Oh Hack Hack Hack Hack … I will be sending an invitation to my class on how to give people around you low expectations of yourself. If you do only the bare minimum, people won’t expect any more of you thus freeing you from this life threatening bind you are in.
    You should have never ever uttered the word recipe or pie. I am the queen of low expectations. Gus can vouch for that. My creditials are superb. Rememeber bare mininum!

  4. […] ahead and read it………..A Hack’s Day Off……It’s okay. I’ll wait right here till you come […]

  5. Ahem, I was seriously contemplating deleting you from my face book friends list. Then after my hangover started to wear off I realized that I wouldn’t be able to harass you through face book anymore if I did that. I’m currently working on another plan.

  6. TheIdiotSpeaketh Says:

    Uh oh buddy…..Judging by your wife’s post….you seemed to have stepped into a hornets nest on this one. You might want to sleep with one eye open….on your stomach for a few days….. Just sayin…. 🙂

    • For a few days? What are you talking about, I always sleep with one eye open. She has the, “I sleepwalk defense”, and I always step into hornets nests, Dog poo and anything else you can imagine. 🙂

  7. […] Hacking Vegas Tales of a Las Vegas Cab Driver « A Hacks Day Off […]

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